Sorry for starting this a little late, I've had my own share of trials and tribulations this year, which made me lose a little track of time...
The post below this one illustrates how vital women's shelters are in domestic violence situations. The Netroots has been incredibly responsive to the needs of Pretty Bird Woman House (it wouldn't exist if it weren't for YOU), and so people haven't let me forget about the Christmas fundraiser....good job folks.
SHELTER NEWS:
The shelter is now a stable institution on Standing Rock. Last spring, the Tribal Council awarded it a large grant to hire two more staff, create a Sexual Assault Response Team at the Tribal Administration level, and conduct educational programs! Not too shabby!
2009 DONATIONS
I have two different ChipIn Widgets posted.
1. The first one is for the staff, which now numbers 5. If you contribute to that, it isn't tax deductible. If you choose this, when you go to the ChipIn, you will see my email address, not the shelter director's, since the money will go into my PayPal account. What I do is go to my TD bank and buy the fee-free gift cards they sell there, and then send them priority mail. The staff has been very surprised every year, and it has been touching to hear talk of tears on seeing how much each card has been for, etc. Since the shelter doesn't have Christmas bonuses in its budget, this is how we give those hard-working women some recognition!
2. I recently asked Georgia if there were any big-ticket items that they still needed (after all, they have the house, a new furnace, a fence, and bunkbeds for kids thanks to YOU!). She had a van for the shelter on her wishlist. I haven't gotten any estimates from them yet, but that's what they're wishing for. If you donate to this fund, it IS tax-deductible, and will go into the sheleter's general operating fund. If they get enough money for a van, great. If not, it will be put to good use anyway.
3. Material Donations (updated 11/13)- when I went out to the shelter last winter I was overwhelmed by the amount of clothing that had been donated, mostly by YOU folks. It was amazing. I will double check on this information, but if you are inclined to send clothes or items you have crocheted or knitted (beautiful work ladies, btw), there is an ongoing shortage of baby and young children's clothes. Blankets and throws are always needed, and the shelter will always gratefully accept adult clothes, but there are shortages of babies' and children's clothes if you are trying to prioritize your giving.
The shelter had been receiving palates of items every month from a larger organization. Unfortunately, that organization is now under new management, which is requiring them to do their paperwork all over again. With the shipments stopping, there is has been a sudden shortage of certain items, including: sheets and towels, feminine hygiene items, and shampoo. The shelter in fact is in desperate need of DIAPERS. You can have these items sent cheaply from online stores that offer free shipping (Amazon is free over $25, etc.).
Also, consider doing your on-line shopping through www.iGive.com. You can not only get a discount for yourself in many stores, but it amounts to extra donations from the shelter through the participating merchants.
If you want to send new clothes for adults, sweatsuits are ideal.
Thanks again from the bottom of my heart. I am looking forward to being moved to tears again this year by your generosity.
This is an incredibly gripping essay about an incident of domestic violence that almost killed a woman, and revealed the bravery of her little daughters. I am cross-posting it in the hopes someone will find the situation familiar and get the women and children out of the house before something like this happens. This is why we have women's shelters like the Pretty Bird Woman House.
Also, this story does not take place on a rez, but in the midwest. However, you'll see the same issues of unemployment, crowded housing, and domestic violence playing out in familiar ways.
Please note that there are a few profanities sprinkled through this essay. I find the language understandable and appropriate to the situation. However, you might not. Just be forewarned if you are sensitive to this.
Last night my 12 year old granddaughter, small and skinny and maybe 70 lbs. in full winter gear and soaking wet, flung herself onto the back of a man that she's known most of her life, a man she loved and trusted, and fought like a tiger in a death match to keep him from beating her mother to death. She bit him, pulled out chunks of his hair and beat him about the face with sharp little fists until her knuckles were bloody and his face was bruised and swollen. When that failed, she broke the broom and began beating him with the handle. Her step-father was so drunk, so enraged and so focused on beating her mother to death that I doubt he even felt it.
Thank God.
Because if he had noticed her through the haze of alcohol and adrenaline pumping through his body, he might have turned on my granddaughter and crushed her tender young bones in his fury.
Got a Grip's diary :: ::
Mom and Step-dad have three other kids besides Mandy. In fact, Mandy has seven half-siblings, my son having contributed four girls to the total (and there's a step-brother, too.) Anyone wishing to fling about ramblings on the ill-advisement of having this clusterfuck of far-flung kids should stifle it, at least for today. I know for a fact that my son was raised to fucking well know better, but despite my extensive discussions about safe and responsible sex, lectures on population growth, the difficulties of raising mass quantities of children, etc., etc., etc., he just kept breeding and I couldn't stop him. So they're here now and I love them and wouldn't trade any one of them for anything on earth, and if you've got an opinion on THAT right now I'd really suggest keeping that shit to yourself.
But I fucking digress.
Mom and Step-dad's relationship has been over for a couple of years now, but because of the shitty economy and the fact that neither one of them have the education or training to do anything that would benefit them monetarily, they are trapped like rats in a box full of poverty. They can't stand each other any longer but they can't afford to get away from each other, either. The relationship began to hit the skids when Step-dad became depressed about losing a series of dignity-stripping jobs (none of which was his fault, it was all the economy) and began to self-medicate with handy, cheap alcohol and the occasional pinch of meth helpfully donated by any of the dozens of losers huddled in the tranquil hills nearby who cook the shit up for freaked-out fun and marginal profit. What a bad idea.
To compound this, Step-dad's mother and Mom's father have both moved in with them over the course of the past two years. They're both down on their luck and trapped in poverty, too, so they all banded together in abject misery to try to survive together. Just Mom and Step-dad and Grandma C and Grandpa B and four sweet little kids trapped in a shitty house in a cesspool of a tiny town with no hope that relief will ever come. An accident waiting to happen.
The frenzied struggle began when Step-dad, drunk and belligerent, came staggering into the bedroom where Mandy was watching music videos online while Mom was snuggled down in the bed. Mandy's computer is kept in her mother's bedroom so that her mom can monitor her use. It was about 11 oclock and Mandy should have been in bed, but she's a nightowl and her mom is okay with that.
Step-dad and Mom haven't slept in the same room for well over a year now, so the fact that he's staggered into this bedroom at all means he's looking for trouble. Step-dad looks at Mandy, whirls around towards the bed and bellows "That fuckin' kid is still on the fuckin' internet! This is all your fuckin' fault!" and then swings his fist full force, connecting with the back of Mom's head. Mom flies out of the bed, whips around and shoves Step-dad out of the door and away from Mandy. Mom is understandably enraged now, too, and she's trying like hell to propel him down the stairs and away from the children, but Step-dad is in no mood to be shoved, nosiree, and he starts to swing away and Mom swings back because this is war now. Mandy snatches up her cellphone, dials 911, starts screaming her address into the phone and that Step-dad is killing Mom. Step-dad pushes himself far enough back in the door to slap the phone out of Mandy's hands and break it. As the phone flies out of her hands Mandy catches a glimpse of her eight year old sister flying down the stairs and away from the battle towards the house phone. She can't see her sister but she hears her start screaming the address and Mandy yells for her to run outside with the phone and hide but STAY ON THE PHONE. Mom's got her feet under her again and she pistons Step-dad down the stairs in the kind of adrenaline rush that only comes when you know you're about to fight for your life and the lives of your children.
But now they're out in the open space of the kitchen and although Mom is tough and she's not gonna go down without a fight, Step-dad is big and powerful and is in a blind rage and he shoves Mom off and into the corner against the cabinets and starts beating her with hammer fists in the face. Mandy is right on their heels and she remembers the tricks I taught her but Step-dad has Mom angled into a corner now where she can't try a leg sweep so she flings herself on his back and frantically tries to get a grip on a thumb. His fists are moving too fast, they're so tightly closed and so slick with Mom's blood that she can't get hold of one and she's enraged now too and goes full animal on his ass and starts pummeling and biting and yanking his hair but he just keeps pounding pounding pounding.
Grandma C flies down the stairs and tries to get between Step-dad (her son) and Mom, but Step-dad flings her away like a rag against the cabinets, breaking her hand. It flings Mandy off, too, and she desperately looks for a weapon. She sees the broom, snatches it up and swings hard and the broom handle breaks but Step-dad has regained his focus and is pounding pounding pounding. Mandy grabs the broken handle and starts swinging for all she's worth and Grandma C jumps back in to have another go, broken hand and all. They're all screaming for Grandpa B except for Step-dad who is roaring incoherently but Grandpa B is a sound sleeper and slightly deaf, so their pleas are literally falling on deaf ears. Little sister has released the dogs and comes flying in the back door with them now screaming ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTACK! and the dogs correctly sum up the situation and begin biting at Step-dad's arms, trying to get a firm hold. They can't get hold of him either and start biting at his back and legs. He keeps on pounding pounding pounding.
Little sister is screaming for Mandy now, screaming for help because 911 needs directions and Little sister can't remember all the streets. The town cop lives three doors down, but 911 doesn't know how to get there. Mandy drops the broom handle and snatches the phone and starts giving directions and Little sister picks up the broom handle and starts beating beating beating on Step-dad, her real dad. Step-dad strikes out to rid himself of the biting dogs and dislodges Grandma C again and hits Little sister in the process, sending her flying, but she's a tough little customer, too, and she hops right back up and goes right back to beating her father with that broomstick.
The screaming and barking have finally insinuated themselves into Grandpa B's slumber and he comes shooting out of his bedroom in his tightie whities to see Step-dad flailing away at the bloody mess of his daughter's face. She's put up a hell of a defense but her arms are too tired and beaten to defend her any longer. But Grandpa B is still a strapping man and he's got a full head of steam building. He bulldozes his way in between his daughter and this madman and manages to shove him far enough back to really get in between them. This seems to throw gasoline on the already white-hot rage Step-dad is engulfed in and he starts screaming vile things while pounding away at Grandpa B with renewed vigor. But Grandpa B spent some time in the Big House once upon a time and this ain't his first fucking rodeo. He uses his arms to defend and to shove Step-dad back into the open. With Little Sister still flailing away with the broomstick, Mandy pulling his hair, Grandma C pawing at his arms and the dogs still biting, Grandpa B finally wrestles Step-dad to the ground and pins him there. Step-dad is firmly pinned, but he's still struggling and caterwauling. Mandy snatches the broom handle back from little sister and takes a position where she can swing at Step-dad's head should he break free. Little sister takes up the business end of the broken broom and assumes a position just like Mandy's. One dog has a firm grip on Step-dad's left ankle while the other assumes an attack position right at Step-dad's throat, looks him in the eye and bears his teeth. Grandma C and Mom both slump to the floor. They all stay this way for several long minutes until the cops finally arrive to take over.
Step-dad wants to fight the cops, too, but Grandpa B has him in such a good hold that they get the cuffs on him and into the back of the cop car with relative ease. The ambulances finally arrive and take Grandma C to the hospital. Though badly beaten and shaken, Mom refuses to go because she can't afford to pay the bill so the paramedics check her over thoroughly as well as Grandpa B, Little sister and Mandy. Little Sister and Mandy are pretty much unscathed physically, save for Mandy's bloodied knuckles. Grandpa B took quite a few tough punches but like I said, this ain't his first rodeo and he'll live to defend and protect another day. Mom is pretty banged up and should really go and have x-rays to make sure there are no fractures around her eyes and cheeks. She's got a rough couple of days ahead of her but she's made of stern stuff.
When the ambulances arrive, Step-dad works his way out of the handcuffs and manages to open the back door of the cop car (you know, the ones that only open from the outside) and get out. The sheriff sees him and starts to walk toward him, hand on holster. He starts bawling and says "I just want to see them and make sure they're okay." The sheriff snorts and says "You shoulda thought of that before you beat the shit outta anyone who ever gave a damn about you, you dumb fuck! Now get your stupid ass in the GOD DAMNED CAR! You are FUCKED, son!" Mandy is oddly pleased by the sheriff's phraseology.
The two little ones sleep through it all, blissfully unaware that their father has done his best to kill their mother or that he almost succeeded.
Mandy and Little sister give their statements to the police late into the night, both oral and written. Little sister needs an assist from the policewoman because she doesn't write well yet. Everyone who reads Mandy's written statement comments on how well it's written, her lovely penmanship, her accurate use of punctuation, the clarity or her statement. ("I've really been working on the proper use of my commas, grandma," she told me.) Between the two of them, these little girls have witnessed the entire thing, there are no missing pieces to this puzzle. As they sit and wait for the process to take it's course, Mandy pulls her little sister close and strokes her hair, tells her how proud she is of her and what a good job she did.
"I'm so proud of her, grandma. She listened and did everything just right. I'm so glad she ran for the phone. She thought of the dogs all by herself, grandma. I'm just so proud of her."
"I'm proud of her, too," I say. My brave, brave girl, so proud of her little sister.
While she's comforting her sister, Mandy listens to the conversation of the cops, social workers, counselors and miscellaneous adults thrown into action by this assault. She realizes that a lot of the talk is about her, about what a remarkable girl she is.
"That one's got a hell of a good head on her shoulders."
"I'm not sure I could have given directions while fighting that jackass. I don't think I know anyone that could."
"The little one just followed her sister's lead and they fought him off until the old man showed up. That girl's one tough cookie."
"Can you believe she's only 12? Fantastic kid, that one."
(my personal favorite) "Naw, he ain't her real father. Look how smart she is! She didn't come from that dumb bastard."
And on and on.
Little pitchers have big ears, but in this case I'm glad she's hearing what they are saying. It does her good to hear that these random grown-ups think she's a fantastic kid. Because she is.
On the strength of the girl's statements alone, the judge issues an ex-parte order before even taking off his coat this morning. It's kind of a moot point at the moment because Step-dad is in lock-up at least until December 18th when he'll appear in court, but all bets are off after that. Mandy is relieved by the ex-parte. She's too inexperienced to know that waving a piece of paper and shouting threats of jail at a madman will have no effect if he is intent on making you dead. But the piece of paper is making her feel safe for the first time all day, and I desperately want her to hold on to that. There will be time to approach this from a different angle on a different day, and we'll discuss new safety measures, escape routes inside and out of the house and also more self-defense. She was prepared to use what she knew, she just didn't know enough. I'm taking care of that, pronto.
When my son gets the call, he runs to the car and speeds to his daughter. He's a remarkably gentle soul, is my youngest son, but when it comes to protecting his kids he takes no prisoners. He has time to calm down in the car, and there is no way that he'll set eyes on Step-dad today so there will be no ugly confrontations. My son and her mother both try to persuade Mandy to go home with her dad and stay the week, but she won't hear of it. Her little brother and sisters need her, especially Little sister, of whom she is so proud. And someone needs to take care of Mom. No one can take care of Mom as good as she can.
Mandy's in full caretaker mode. Bitter personal experience tells me it's best to let her act on it. During the two hours she spent on the phone with me, she told me that she hasn't cried yet. She's not letting herself be scared, she's putting her head down and pushing forward and for the moment, knowing her as I do, I think that's best. She's told her story over and over and over and she's sick of telling it, but she said that telling it to me and to daddy and to Aunt S (Mom's sister, and a much beloved aunt) really helped make her feel safe and calm. When the weekend comes she'll come to stay with dad and he'll fold her into a ball on his lap and surround her in safe, loving arms for as long as she needs it.
I'll go down to be there, too, and she and I will take a long walk in the woods (as is our wont) and she'll talk and ask me questions, and I'll give her honest answers as gently as I know how. I'll explain how I've been in her shoes, and Mom's too, and I understand about as well as anyone can how things went down. We'll discuss what it's like to fight to save yourself or someone you love, and I can tell her that I've felt all the things she's feeling right now, that I've been where she is right now and she can tell me anything, it's all safe with me, she's safe with me. And then she will finally cry and it will all come spilling out in a rush and I will absorb the flood of words and tears, the confusion, the betrayal, the terror, the anger, the desire for retribution warring with her innate gentleness and generosity of spirit. It will all flow over and through me and burn me to the bone.
The worst is knowing that Mandy will now bear a wound that will never heal. Violence crept in the back door of her life and stayed to throw a wild party. The collateral damage will be great, no matter how well we handle things from this point forward. We will salve the wound as best we can, but intimate history informs me that the best you can hope for is a scar that doesn't cripple you but reminds you every day to be careful who you love and trust, because without warning they might just turn on you and try to love you to death. My beautiful gentle girl, already grown wise beyond her years due to circumstances beyond her control, has had yet another piece of innocence ripped from her grasp. She now knows something that no adult should know, much less a child. When reason left her and her flight-or-flight response kicked in, she chose fight. And when fight proved to be not enough she found a weapon and threw herself into the task at hand. Trying to get Step-dad to stop was replaced with the desire to see him suffer, and if he died So. Be. It. He wasn't gonna kill her Mom because she was gonna kill him first.
Mandy now knows something that most people don't, and all of you without this knowledge should fall to your knees and thank whatever deity wanders by that this knowledge has been kept from you. She knows that when push comes to shove, she's capable of great violence. It won't ever be her choice to start it, but she's capable of fighting to the death to end it.
Today, November 10th, 2009 is the 29th anniversary of my first husband's suicide. While some years this anniversary is more troubling than others, this year it has been weighing me down for weeks. I've been looking around me at my neighbors, my children, this nation struggling just to keep from drowning in poverty and despair and I feel their hopelessness. I wonder how many women will relive the day I had 29 long years ago. I worry about how many children will go to bed hungry tonight, or cold. Or scared. Or dead.
And now this.
It's really no different than the hundreds of other domestic abuse incidents that happen every day in this country, in this world. It's just that this time it's happened to my beautiful, sweet, responsible granddaughter.
Ironically, I'd started working on a diary about the young women I see in these little cesspool towns and what a struggle it is to teach them to be good parents and responsible adults when the only support system they have, if they have one at all, is so flimsy. Instead you're being treated to my panicky free-association babblings while I try to restore order to the universe as I know it.
When I got the call, my first instinct was to grab my broom, drive the eight hours to the jail, force my way inside and beat Step-dad with my broomhandle until the cops from the neighboring county arrived to loan the local boys a taser to take grandma down. I'm a bit more calm now.
But I've been brooding about the incredible political blows we've absorbed these last few weeks and in the process of writing this something has solidified. The vote in Maine, the weak HCR, the Stupak atrocity, a local fight over parking spaces at the besieged Planned Parenthood down the street, the stupid and fruitless wars that never ever end, the environmental rape that continues daily, the fatcats on Wall Street bloating like disease-spreading ticks on the blood of people who have worked hard for less than nothing. I held the hand of my neighbor over the fence just two days ago as she fought back tears because her husband is working but he's not getting paid and they've used up all their savings and their utilities will be shut off at the end of the week and she has no hope, no hope, it's all gone and she doesn't know what to tell the kids.
And then I listen to these gasbags on the TeeVee and watch the despicable games being played in Congress and in elections across this nation, games that destroy the very people these parasites feed upon, and I am just flabbergasted.
Are you gonna sit there and tell me Mr. Gasbag/Mr. Congressman that that little clump of cells is a sacred treasure which must be saved at all costs and then turn around and say that providing healthcare for that clump of cells once the cord is cut is fiscally irresponsible and that the little bastard is now on its own?
Are you really gonna sit there and tell me Mr. Gasbag/Mr. Congressman that driving people into poverty so deep that they don't even have a shitty car to live in while Wall Street thieves, military contractors and environmental rapists grow ever more porcine and gluttonous is GOOD FOR THE COUNTRY and then turn around and LECTURE people driven mad with despair about bootstraps while hucking the occasional chunk of expired government cheese at them?
Are you gonna sit there and tell me Mr. Gasbag/Mr. Congressman that my gay friend's desires to have a legal joining that affords them the rights that the most basic common decency prescribes is somehow a THREAT to the kind of "TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE" that my granddaughter witnessed last night?
Because if that's where we are at this point in the conversation, then I just have one thing to say to you, Mr. Gasbag/Mr. Congressman.
1. A pair of French journalists went out to Standing Rock in January to do a story on the women Standing Rock and what is being done to combat domestic violence on the reservation. I happened to be out there at the same time, and saw their integrity and sensitivity. It is now available with incredible photographs on Getty Images. The title of the article, by journalist Anne Senges, is: The Women of Standing Rock. It's really excellent work.
2.. You can watch a live stream of the White House Tribal Nations Conference, which is taking place NOW, at CSPAN. It is the first such conference since 1944 (can you believe that?) and reflects the priority the Obama Administration is placing on Tribal issues. It's live, so if you are going there before from noon to 1:45pm EST, they're on a lunch break.
You can see the introduction and Obama's opening remarks HERE.
More progress. Here's the press release from the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs.
WASHINGTON, DC - U.S. Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND), Chairman of the U.S. Senate Committee on Indian Affairs, announced Tuesday the panel will hold a congressional oversight hearing at 2:15 PM on Wednesday, November 4. The hearing will examine Department of Interior efforts to repair the federal acknowledgement process for Indian tribes. It will also review proposals for improving the system.
Securing formal, federal tribal recognition is vital. It establishes a formal government-to-government relationship between the tribe and the U.S. government. Once federally recognized, a tribe has access to federal benefits and programs.
Yet, the acknowledgement process is broken and has been since it was established in 1978. Tribes routinely wait decades without getting a decision. Some tribes, including one tribe which will present testimony at the hearing, have been stuck in the federal acknowledgment process since 1978 with no decision. The prolonged process cost tribes funds urgently needed elsewhere, and denies tribes that are eventually recognized access to benefits and programs, often for decades.
Details follow:
WHO: U.S. Senate Committee on Indian Affairs, Senator Byron Dorgan, Chairman; Senator John Barrasso (R-WY), Vice Chairman, and other members of the committee.
WITNESSES: George Skibine, Acting Principal Deputy Assistant Secretary for Indian Affairs, U.S. Department of Interior; Frank Ettawageshik, Chair, Federal Acknowledgement Task Force, National Congress of American Indians; John Sinclair, President, Little Shell Tribe of Chippewa Indians, Havre, Montana; Ann D. Tucker, Tribal Chairperson, Muscogee Nation of Florida, Bruce, Florida; and Patty Ferguson-Bohnee, Director, Indian Legal Clinic, Tempe, Arizona.
WHAT: Congressional oversight hearing
WHEN: 2:15 PM, Wednesday, November 4, 2009
WHERE: 628 Dirksen Senate Office Building, U.S. Senate, Washington, D.C.
WHY: To review Department of Interior efforts to repair the federal acknowledgement process for granting formal recognition to Indian tribes.
NATIONAL NATIVE AMERICAN HERITAGE MONTH, 2009
- - - - - - -
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION
The indigenous peoples of North America -- the First Americans -- have woven rich and diverse threads into the tapestry of our Nation's heritage. Throughout their long history on this great land, they have faced moments of profound triumph and tragedy alike. During National Native American Heritage Month, we recognize their many accomplishments, contributions, and sacrifices, and we pay tribute to their participation in all aspects of American society.
This month, we celebrate the ancestry and time-honored traditions of American Indians and Alaska Natives in North America. They have guided our land stewardship policies, added immeasurably to our cultural heritage, and demonstrated courage in the face of adversity. From the American Revolution to combat missions in Iraq and Afghanistan, they have fought valiantly in defense of our Nation as dedicated servicemen and women. Their native languages have also played a pivotal role on the battlefield. During World Wars I and II, Native American code talkers developed unbreakable codes to communicate military messages that saved countless lives. Native Americans have distinguished themselves as inventors, entrepreneurs, spiritual leaders, and scholars. Our debt to our First Americans is immense, as is our responsibility to ensure their fair, equal treatment and honor the commitments we made to their forebears.
The Native American community today faces huge challenges that have been ignored by our Government for too long. To help address this disparity, the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act allocates more than $3 billion to help these communities deal with their most pressing needs. In the Fiscal Year 2010 budget, my Administration has proposed over $17 billion for programs carried out by the Bureau of Indian Affairs, Indian Health Service, and other Federal agencies that have a critical role to play in improving the lives of Native Americans. These programs will increase educational opportunities, address the scourge of alcohol abuse and domestic violence, promote economic development, and provide access to comprehensive, accessible, and affordable health care. While funding increases do not make up for past deficiencies, they do reflect our determination to honor tribal sovereignty and ensure continued progress on reservations across America.
As we seek to build on and strengthen our nation-to-nation relationship, my Administration is committed to ensuring tribal communities have a meaningful voice in our national policy debates as we confront the challenges facing all Americans. We will continue this constructive dialogue at the White House Tribal Nations Conference held in Washington, D.C., this month. Native American voices have echoed through the mountains, valleys, and plains of our country for thousands of years, and it is now our time to listen.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2009 as National Native American Heritage Month. I call upon all Americans to commemorate this month with appropriate programs and activities, and to celebrate November 27, 2009, as Native American Heritage Day.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.
BARACK OBAMA
The Mary Byron Project created the Celebrating Solutions Awards to showcase and applaud local innovations that demonstrate promise in breaking the cycle of violence. We select programs that can serve as models for the nation and offer $10,000 cash awards in recognition of their pioneering efforts.
Nominations for 2009-2010 are now open. The deadline for submission (must be postmarked by) November 17, 2009. Current year 2009-2010 nomination form is now available.
Both the nominated program and the institution must have been operating for a minimum of three years.
The program must address the issue of domestic violence.
The program must be part of a non-profit 501(c)(3) or government agency.
The program should be replicable, or if it is national in scope, the program should have applications for individual communities, regardless of their size or ethnic population.
Basically, grants are great, but they're not a substitute from some long-needed changes in the law. That's the only way we're going to cut down on violence on Indian reservations.
Here's an excerpt:
WASHINGTON – Tribal justice advocates are hailing awards from the Department of Justice to aid and improve three reservation-based domestic violence programs, but many say the money itself isn’t going to solve bigger federal Indian law problems.
Some of the latest awards, announced in early September, come as a result of federal stimulus funding. They amount to $1.4 million for the Los Coyotes Band of Indians in California, the Kaw Nation of Oklahoma, and the Rosebud Sioux Tribe of South Dakota.
..snip....
“What is needed is real legal reform. In addition to funding shortfalls, the Oliphant v. Suquamish Indian Tribe loophole still remains.”
Carole Goldberg, a tribal law professor at the UCLA School of Law, elaborated on that loophole, saying the 1978 Supreme Court decision found that tribes don’t have criminal jurisdiction over non-Indians.
She said federal policy to correct the Oliphant decision is desperately needed to reduce reservation violence.
Matoy Carlson also said federal Indian law should be changed to rectify the loophole, or else she believes the epidemic of violence against Native women isn’t really being addressed.
Matthew L.M. Fletcher, director of the Michigan State University Indigenous Law & Policy Center, is grateful for federal awards to address violence in Indian country, but is skeptical about their long-term effects.
...snip.....
“But what happens when the grants run out? So many times in Indian country it means that those programs just die. I hope that won’t happen here.”
Fletcher believes a long-term solution to violence requires a re-examination of federal law in relation to tribal criminal jurisdiction over non-Indians.
He said Congress could quickly correct issues stemming from Oliphant if it chooses.
Congress has long heard about the issue from tribal leaders, but has chosen not to act. Bold is mine
Notice the last line. This is nothing new. We have to make sure Congress knows that we are watching, and we will be waiting for our representatives to make these changes N.O.W.!!!
Since Pretty Bird Woman House is on the Standing Rock Reservation, tribal government matters to it, so I am posting this article. On Sept. 29th, the Reservation held elections for a number of positions, including Tribal Council. The Chair, Ron His Horse is Thunder, lost to Charlie Murphy, the long-time Tribal Council Chairman. I congratulate Chairman Murphy on his win, and want to share with you an article that now former Chair His Horse is Thunder wrote for Indian Country Today. In it, he gives his thoughts on the challenges facing Indian Country, which is quite informative.
Thank you for your service Ron. I know the Creator will soon lead you to your next area of service.
The entire article is below. You can find the original, and read the comments, on Indian Country Today.
My name is Ron His Horse is Thunder and I am the great-great grandson of One Bull, the nephew and adopted son of Sitting Bull, our Hunkpapa Lakota Nation Chief. All of my life, I have tried to walk the good red road and serve my people. Tunkasila, Grandfather, has a plan for all of us.
The Justice Department cannot be entrusted with BIA Law Enforcement. The downside is too steep.
For the last four years, Tunkasila has blessed me by providing me the opportunity to serve my people as chairman of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe. Now, Tunkasila has a new plan for me. I wish to thank all those who supported me. I congratulate Charlie Murphy who won our election for tribal chairman Sept. 30. As we move forward, I wanted to take the time to point out that there is unfinished business that must be taken care of for all of our people.
First on health care, Sen. Kent Conrad, D-N.D., and Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D., will have leading roles and their votes will be essential. As the nation considers how to cover every American and ensure that no one dies for lack of health insurance, our Native American people must be treated fairly. Both of our senators have taken important steps forward to help us – Sen. Conrad has a measure to stop IRS taxation of tribal government health care and health insurance. Sen. Dorgan has an amendment to add the Indian Health Care Improvement Act to President Obama’s health care package, which provides important reauthorization for IHS. Our senators deserve our heartfelt thanks.
Yet, more must be done. The IHS receives only one-third the funding per patient that Medicare or the Veteran’s Health Administration receives. We must change it in the President’s National Health Care Reform. We must call upon our senators to increase funding for the IHS from 33 percent to 50 percent in year one, 55 percent in year two, and so on, until we reach 100 percent of per patient funding at the level provided for Medicare and the Veteran’s Administration.
Second, on youth suicide, we are facing an epidemic problem among our young Indian people in the Great Plains. We have the highest youth suicide rate in the country. Our most precious resources are our children, who are the future of our Indian nations. We must teach them that we love and honor them and we must help them take pride in our Lakota culture. We must teach our youth that “Today is a good day to live!”
We must teach our youth that ‘Today is a good day to live!’
Yet we need help. Youth suicide among our young people is a problem of nationwide import. We need Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar to convene a high level meeting to establish a crisis intervention plan. Not one more of our young people should die before Washington takes notice. We need intervention now.
We need the Senate to pass the Indian Law Enforcement Improvement Act Sen. Dorgan sponsored. During the Clinton administration, the Justice Department increased Indian country funding by $160 million to address the fact that American Indians suffer violent crime victimization at a rate almost two-and-a-half times the general population. Yet, President Bush did not understand that and Karl Rove fired U.S. attorneys for spending too much time on Indian country issues. It was truly wrong when the Bush White House pulled the rug out from under the U.S. attorney in Minnesota, who spent so much time addressing the Red Lake school shooting. So, Congress must restore the Justice Department funding President Clinton put in place and then increase it by authorizing the same block grants for our Indian tribes that have long been available to states.
But we don’t need to repeat the question about whether BIA Law Enforcement should be transferred to Justice. The short answer is no. Justice could not even defend its Indian country law enforcement resources during the Bush administration. The Justice Department cannot be entrusted with BIA Law Enforcement. The downside is too steep. We also need an Indian political appointee at Justice to oversee its Indian programs – career folks don’t have enough impact – and well meaning non-Indians can’t substitute for our people who walk the good red road with us.
As we move forward, I wanted to take the time to point out that there is unfinished business that must be taken care of for all of our people.
Third, the president must convene a White House Tribal Leaders Summit. Not only do we need Indian people at the White House, we need a new Obama administration policy to respect Indian sovereignty and honor our treaties, as Obama promised on the campaign trail. The time to act is now. Then there should be a regular schedule of consultation – monthly meetings at the White House and Interior – followed six months later by a meeting of tribal leaders with the Cabinet in preparation for next year’s White House Tribal Leaders Summit. Then Congress must act to make sure the Obama policy sticks.
Mitakuyepi, my people, I am proud of what we have done in the last four years, yet we have much left to do. With Grandfather’s guidance, I will join you on that road and he will help me find a new way to serve. Pilamayelo!
Ron His Horse Is Thunder is a member of the Hunkpapa-Lakota Oyate. He served as the tribal chairman of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe from 2005 – 2009.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
This is an article by Rep. Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, which you can find on Indian Country Today. She really walks the walk. If you remember, she was an early supporter of Pretty Bird Woman House and donated a washer and dryer to the shelter.
By Rep. Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, D-S.D.
Story Published: Oct 19, 2009
Story Updated: Oct 19, 2009
As October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted draw the attention of South Dakotans to the impact this tragic cycle has on families and communities in our state and across the country. Domestic violence is a problem that destroys lives and shatters communities.
According to a survey conducted by the Department of Justice, nearly one in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime and approximately 2.3 million people each year in the United States are raped or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. The Journal of Family Psychology reports that as many as 15.5 million children are exposed to domestic violence every year.
We are not insulated from this alarming trend in our state. In South Dakota in 2007, 15 people were murdered. Of those 15 murders, 14 were related to domestic violence. The problem of domestic violence in Indian country is particularly acute. In 2007, Amnesty International issued a report entitled, “Maze of Injustice: the failure to protect Indigenous women from sexual violence in the United States.” The report found that Native American women are nearly three times as likely to suffer sexual violence as non-Native women.
While the cycle of domestic violence continues, increases in resources to combat domestic violence have been effective. This year marked the 15th anniversary of the enactment of the Violence Against Women Act, which authorized programs that seek to prevent and prosecute violence against women and strengthen services to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking. Research indicates that VAWA saved nearly $14.8 billion in net averted social costs in its first six years alone. Moreover, the Bureau of Justice Statistics indicates that more victims now report domestic violence to the police, an increase of up to 51 percent in reporting rates by women and a 37 percent increase in reporting rates by men.
The success of programs established through VAWA have helped to make critical strides in addressing domestic violence and I have supported and continue to support strong funding levels for the Violence Against Women Act, which is an indispensable federal partner for domestic violence prevention efforts. That’s why I’m pleased that this year, the economic recovery and stimulus legislation provided $225 million to VAWA programs. Moreover, the House Fiscal Year 2010 Commerce, Justice and Science Appropriations Act would provide $400 million for programs authorized through VAWA. The Senate has been considering its own version of this bill and I hope it will provide similarly robust funding levels for these critical programs.
However, increased resources and legislative action alone will not solve the problem of domestic violence. That’s why it’s important during the month of October that we also recognize the work of individuals and organizations across South Dakota who support victims of domestic violence and tirelessly work to bring this tragic cycle to an end. In 2007 and 2008, South Dakota shelters served more than 17,791 people and the importance of their work to support victims cannot be underestimated. It is not only their individual and organizational efforts, but the cooperation and joint efforts of many individuals and organizations that creates a tremendous team working on behalf of victims of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is an issue that brings people together in the vitally important effort to increase public awareness to address the special needs of victims of domestic violence, including the elderly, homeless, disabled, children, and youth from all communities, and to prevent future abuse. We need to reach children and students to educate them about domestic violence, sexual assault, dating violence and stalking. Further, we must fully understand and respond to the needs of women and children who have been battered. Constant vigilance and effort will be required to make sure we continue to make progress in reducing the incidences of domestic violence, but with the efforts I’ve seen in South Dakota, I have no doubt we can succeed.
Stephanie Herseth Sandlin is South Dakota’s at-large Member of Congress. She is the co-chair for administration of the Blue Dog Coalition, a group of moderate Democrats committed to fiscal discipline and strong national security. She also serves on three committees vital to South Dakota’s interests: Agriculture, Veterans Affairs and Natural Resources.
First, Congratulations President Obama for winning the Nobel Prize. This places an awesome responsibility for promoting peace on your shoulders for the rest of your presidency.
Another reason to be glad we have President Obama in office now is that he's likely to sign this resolution:
The Native American Apology Resolution today passed as an amendment to the Defense Appropriations bill. The resolution extends a formal apology from the United States to tribal governments and Native American people nationwide. The resolution of apology does not authorize or serve as a settlement of any claim against the United States and does not resolve many challenges still facing Native Americans. The Native American Apology Resolution has been introduced in previous Congresses, and passed the Senate in 2008, but was not signed into law.
By Laura Clawson, cross posted with permission from the Daily Kos.
High on the list of reasons I'm proud to be associated with Daily Kos is the story of this community's involvement with Pretty Bird Woman House. That started in April, 2007, when Devilstower mentioned Pretty Bird Woman House in a post on violence against Native American women. At the time, the shelter was in imminent danger of closure due to lack of funds. A diarist who is no longer active on the site immediately launched a fundraising drive, and the rest, as they say, is history. Several diarists and contributing editors kept up the drumbeat, many many members of this community and no doubt readers of other blogs chipped in, more than $25,000 was raised in less than two weeks, and Pretty Bird Woman House had enough money to survive until its staff could find longer-term funding sources. Things seemed good.
But then, PBWH was broken into and burned down. And again, this community led the online component of the fight to save it, ultimately raising -- along with more than two dozen other blogs -- enough to buy the shelter a new home. Over these years, a Pretty Bird Woman House blog has been started, and smaller fundraising drives have helped get PBWH painted and provided sheets and towels and blankets, and PBWH staff came to Netroots Nation for a panel.
It is just so beautiful to be part of a community that rises to occasions like that, and doesn't just reach out once but returns to find out if more is needed, builds coalitions, and seeks to learn about the people and organizations it is helping.
One other thing. Last year, there was another effort, to help the shelter buy a new furnace (important in South Dakota's winters). That effort was conducted in honor of the Biden family: then-Sen. Joe Biden's mother-in-law had just passed away, and Biden had authored and fought for the Violence Against Women Act, which was passed in 1994.
Last month was the 15th anniversary of the passage of VAWA and this month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, both of which are opportunities to consider how far we've come, and how far we have yet to go. The story of Pretty Bird Woman House shows that, no matter how much progress has been made, there are gaping holes in justice for and protection of women who have been subjected to violence. In the current economy, those holes are opening up not just on remote reservations but in major cities: a Washington, DC domestic violence organization has been engaged in a last-ditch fundraising effort so that it doesn't have to close its doors, for instance.
VAWA was designed to improve criminal justice responses to domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking and to increase the availability of services for victims of these crimes. VAWA requires a coordinated community response (CCR) to domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking, encouraging jurisdictions to bring together players from diverse backgrounds to share information and to use their distinct roles to improve community responses to violence against women. These players include, but are not limited to: victim advocates, police officers, prosecutors, judges, probation and corrections officials, health care professionals, leaders within faith communities, and survivors of violence against women. The federal law takes a comprehensive approach to violence against women by combining tough new penalties to prosecute offenders while implementing programs to aid the victims of such violence.
The Violence Against Women Act of 2000 (VAWA 2000) and the Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act of 2005 (VAWA 2005) reauthorized the grant programs created by the original VAWA and subsequent legislation, as well as established new programs. Specifically, the new programs of VAWA 2005 include the Court Training and Improvements, Child Witness, and Culturally Specific programs. The VAWA 2000 reauthorization strengthened the original law by improving protections for battered immigrants, sexual assault survivors, and victims of dating violence. In addition, it enabled victims of domestic violence that flee across state lines to obtain custody orders without returning to jurisdictions where they may be in danger. Furthermore, it improved the enforcement of protection orders across state and tribal lines. VAWA 2005 continued to improve upon these laws by providing an increased focus on the access to services for underserved populations.
What's changed since its implementation? Well, response and enforcement has changed a lot. According to one account, in the decade after the initial bill,
States have passed more than 660 laws to combat domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. All states have criminalized stalking and changed laws that considered date or spousal rape to be a lesser crime than rape by a stranger.
More victims are reporting violence: among victims of violence by an intimate partner, the percentage of women who reported the crime increased between 1993 and 1998, from 48% to 59%.
Since 1996, the National Domestic Violence Hotline has answered over 1 million calls. The Hotline responds to over 16,000 calls each month and provides access to translators in 139 languages.
Businesses have joined the fight to stop violence against women; hundreds of companies have created Employee Assistance Programs to assist victims of domestic violence.
Perhaps the most blunt -- but ultimately most meaningful -- measures are these: Between 1994 and 2005, the rate of nonfatal intimate partner victimization fell from 5.5 to 2.3. In 1994, there were 1,401 female victims of intimate homicide, while in 2005, there were 1,181. (Interestingly, in 1976 there were 1,304 male victims of intimate homicide and 1,587 female victims. But the number of male victims dropped quickly and has continued dropping while female victims stayed pretty steady until the 1990s and plateaued again after 2002. I'm curious what the story is there.)
It would appear, in other words, that legislation works, at least to some degree, and particularly legislation that has come backed by billions of dollars in grants. What else can be done, then?
Patty Murray, Sherrod Brown, and Chris Dodd have one answer, with the Security and Financial Empowerment (SAFE) Act, which aims "to ensure that victims of domestic violence have the financial means to escape abusive relationships":
Allows a victim to take time off from work, without penalty from their employers, to make necessary court appearances, seek legal assistance, and get help with safety planning. For families attempting to escape a violent environment, attending to such necessities is often a matter of life and death.
Ensures that victims can retain the financial independence necessary to leave their abusers without having to rely on welfare by requiring that states provide unemployment benefits to victims who are terminated from employment due to circumstances stemming from domestic violence.
Prohibits employers or insurance providers from basing hiring or coverage decisions on a victim’s history of abuse.
Addresses the punitive elements of the welfare system that can penalize victims who are fleeing dangerous situations, also called the Family Violence Option.
Because our gaze can go outward even as we recognize that our own home is imperfect and requires continuing work, there's also the International Violence Against Women Act, which was introduced in the last Congress -- again by Biden (with Richard Lugar) without coming to a vote. I-VAWA:
directs the U.S. government to create a comprehensive, 5-year strategy to reduce violence in 10-20 diverse countries that have severe levels of violence against women and girls. To achieve this goal, the Act allocates more than $1 billion in U.S. assistance over 5 years and makes ending violence against women and girls a U.S. diplomatic priority. Importantly, the bill also expands U.S. support and capacity for overseas nongovernmental organizations - particularly women's nongovernmental organizations - working to end violence against women and girls in their own countries.
There's an enormous distance to go, in the U.S. and around the world. It's a distance made more painful by the fact that each step is measured in bruises and rapes and lost opportunities and deaths. But we've seen that it can be made less, that through policy and awareness and funding we can save some lives and improve the quality of others. It's worth pushing on to finish the job.
Cross posted from the Daily Kos with permission of the author,
who goes by the name of platonjr
This man has suffered pain common to the reservations, losing his daughter to domestic violence, and son to an accident. I thought this might help other people out there who are suffering. I don't know how anyone can stand the kind of pain he lives with every day.
Please take his advice.
Happier days. I took this picture this past Easter.
As many of you now know our daughter Krystal was murdered July 22nd. She had been a victim of physical violence, abused, terrorized, stalked and ultimately killed by her ex after finally deciding she’d had enough and turned him in to the police for a very violent armed home invasion/torture/robbery she learned he’d committed. The police involved stretched across three counties, 5 cities and even our states department of law enforcement but as numerous as they were, none ever offered to protect her, even after it became obvious to him that Krystal was the one who "snitched him out". She was killed, as was her friend, Drel, an innocent victim who thought he could protect her from him. He, too, a victim of domestic violence none the less.
I have come to realize that life has few second chances to offer but instead, many second thoughts and guesses. I cannot tell you that I did everything I could have or should have done, it just simply would not be true. I look back now and I know could have and should have done more when I first learned of his abuse almost two years ago. She could have had that second chance. I would not be left now with nothing but my second guesses that torment my every waking moment had I stepped in and acted with more insistence, been more persistent and not tried to rely on the hope that she’d just leave him and things would be hunky dory.
Some women cannot leave. Krystal was one of them. She tried a few times. To our horror we found out that the last time she did he hunted her down and forced her into the trunk of her car where she remained for 2 1/2 days. I cannot imagine her terror. It makes me sick to even think or write about it.
I cannot make any allusion of understanding what it is like for any woman in such a situation. I am not and have never been in their shoes to ever know the torment they have endured. What I do understand, and all too well, is from a parents perspective, a fathers perspective- that it was ultimately my job and responsibility to protect my child. Period. As I cannot fathom this from an abused woman’s perspective, you cannot possibly relate to what I feel knowing that as a parent that I failed in the job of protecting her. Nor do you ever want to be able to relate to what that is like, believe me.
I wouldn't want you to.
Neither would Krystal.
Krystal was one of those people who could not and would not pass by an animal, child, the elderly or disabled without making a point of acknowledging their presence and making them feel welcome and at ease, that they had a friend. She choose to become a CNA because she felt she could really help people who needed it most. And she did. Many a time she visited the same folks she was payed to care for on her own time and on days off. The cases that bothered her most were the kids and frail who were dumped in a facilty and left to die alone, she was profoundly disturbed by each one.
When her ex showed up stalking her at her job she called the police. She was immediately fired. The day before at our local hospital a deranged ex had shot and killed his ex wife(a friend of Krystals) in the parking lot, the facility didn't want the liability of some deranged asshole hunting her down like that at theirs.
The thing that bothered her more than losing her job was her concern for a particular patient, a man dying of AIDS who had been literally and figuratively dumped at the door. Other workers treated him as if he had the plague. He had no one. He had Krystal. She was all he had. She was frantic, "now he has no one, none of those people give a shit about him". Although she was going through all that she was, her focus of concern was so unselfishly on someone who'd been a total stranger to her just a week or so before and his well being. That was just her.
We all need a bit of that great sense of empathy she had. It goes a long way. It can change someone life. I really do feel that she'd be highly upset with me if I didn't use what has happened to her to try to reach others and hopefully, maybe, someone will read it and reach out to help out someone in a similar situation. It needn't end as it did for her. We are still here, we are still alive, there are many more victims of DV out there who are, and like her patient, some times all they need is to know that someone does care.
Someone like you.
I don't know if this is the penitence I am forced to pay, all of these second guesses or what. The could have, should have, would have thoughts, but I do know that they have continuously and persistently tormented me to the point of illness both physically and mentally. My wife even more so than I. We are not the same people we were nor do I see how we can ever be again. We all got into this life knowing, even expecting to die. Knowing that some day we would unfortunately have to bear the awful witness and pain to our parents deaths. Few, if any of us ever envision that of our child’s. No loved one’s death is easy, a child’s death is overwhelming. A murdered child is even worse. Unfortunately, I know this to be true...
In 1991 my son ran out in front of a car while chasing a ball and was hit and killed by a car. I cannot say that I ever got over it, no one "gets over it". What I can say is that the biggest question haunting me about Krystals death is simply, WHY? I didn’t have to grapple with that question with Bryans death, I knew it was an accident. I knew there was nothing that I or any one could’ve done to prevent it from happening. This is so much, so radically different because I know that there were a million missed opportunities that could have prevented this from ever happening. I only needed one. Now I'd give my life for that one.
If there is anything to be gained out of this horror, if I could point out what it is I wish for you to take away from reading this it is two things.
I have not and cannot come up with any better wording than when I wrote about Krystals death here originally and I implore each and every one of you that have knowledge of any woman suffering as a victim of domestic violence to understand that you, too, could be but one instance away from the same anguish my wife and I now are having to deal with. Please take my words here to heart: Get involved.
Be a voice for one silenced, stand up for someone beaten down, say something that needs to be said, be there where you haven't been before, step up for those being stepped on, ask questions, demand answers , stand up but never never ever stand by or stand down when you know you are witnessing spousal abuse/violence. DO something. Get involved.
These women are our mothers, our sisters, and daughters. This shit has to stop.
http://www.dailykos.com/...
Do not stand back and allow a victim to remain a victim. Get involved. So many victims cannot or will not come forward, they may feel you would not understand. They may feel ashamed or guilty or feel they cannot talk about it. Let them know you are there and that they can talk about it. Do not judge them, they are victims and may see no way out of the hell they are enduring. Let them know that there is a way out, become a part of that way. Offer them the information they may fear seeking. Just don't ignore it. Just don't ignore them. They need you. They need all of us. If you are a victim of domestic violence, please, seek help. There are many great organizations awaiting your call or email that not only can help but will. It does not need to continue and you should not have to live in fear of the next incident. You may not survive the next incident. Don't wait until there is nothing you can do, instead, don't stop until there's nothing left that you haven't done. Unfortunately, it really is a matter of life and death. Maybe not the last time, maybe not this time, maybe not the next, but how many chances do you think you'll have to intervene?
You may only have the next one.
I wish I had one more...
National Domestic Violence Hotline
http://www.ndvh.org/
Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE
50 state list of resources:
http://www.safe4all.org/
The second thing?
I know from experience just how difficult it is trying to come up with the right words to say to someone that has just lost a loved one. It is very difficult, honestly, I am no better at it than anyone else . I am not downing anyone for their attempts to offer words of condolence because I truly know just how difficult it is. Some of it is ingrained in us and we can only say what we think is right in that moment for that moment. We all mean well and what we may say is well intended but think about this...
Some things you might try to refrain from saying.
"She is in a better place". .
"It was Gods will".
"This is parts of Gods plan"
"She isn’t suffering any more"
Last: all of us say this, "if there is anything I can do, please call and let me know". Well I know we would all do whatever, whenever, and however, by any means necessary IF that person ever DID call but did you ever notice that they never call? Because they haven’t does not necessarily mean that they want to be left alone, they may really need you but feel they would be bothering or imposing upon you with their problems. Grief of a loved one lost is devastating and those you care about may never reach out to you as a result, even if they want to so badly. So remember when you say those words to keep saying them, keep calling, keep stopping by, keep offering. The worst and loneliest time is directly after a funeral, when every leaves the house and goes home and you are left with nothing but your thoughts, believe me, I know.
The following was sent to my wife by a friend of hers who also lost a child. I think it exemplifies what I am trying to say:
I’ve never lost a child before,
and I don’t understand
all of these emotions I am feeling.
Will you try to understand and help me?
Please let me mourn.
I may appear together, but I am not.
Often times it hurts so much
I can hardly bear it.
Please let me mourn.
Don’t expect too much from me. I will try to
help you know what I can and cannot handle.
Sometimes I am not always sure.
Please let me mourn.
Let me talk about my child, I need to talk. It’s
part of the heeling. Don’t pretend nothing has
happened. It hurts terribly when you do, I
love my child very much and my memories
are all I have.
They are very precious to me.
Please let me mourn.
Sometimes I cry and and act differently, but it is
all part of grieving. My tears are necessary
and needed and should not be held back. It
even helps when you cry with me. Please
don’t fear my tears.
Please let me mourn.
What I need most is your friendship, your
sympathy, your prayers, your support, and
your understanding love. I am not the same
person I was before my child died, and I
never will be. Hopefully we can all grow from
this shared tragedy.
Please let me mourn.
God gives us strength to face each day, and
the hope I will survive with his help and
yours. Time will heal some of the pain, but
there will always be
an empty place in my heart.
Please let me mourn.
Please let me mourn and thank you
for helping me
through the most difficult time of my life.
My wife and I thank all of you for any and every word of support, sympathy and condolence offered since our nightmare began. We thank those of you who reached out personally with the help we needed at a very difficult moment, it has not been forgotten, nor will it. I assure you.
UPDATE: Well, another long day, you have no idea of how good it was to come home and see just how many of you read this and are moved to action. We really do appreciate it, it is all we really ask, to get involved. I thank every one of you who have , or plan to do something, these women having to deal with this crap are indeed ALL of our sisters, mothers, and daughters. When one suffers so do we all.
This is an Opinion article from Indianz.com. I have provided the whole article, assuming it would be OK with the author, Ken Bear Chief, because it contains an important message.
As an investigator for Tamaki Law Offices I have been investigating the sexual abuse allegations against the NW Jesuits for the past two years. Since this investigation began I have interviewed more than 100 victims of childhood sexual abuse. Almost all of the victims attended Jesuit Mission Schools that operated on Reservations throughout the Northwest.
The Jesuit Missions where most of these abuses occurred were at St. Mary’s Mission, Omak, WA; Sacred Heart Mission, De’Smet, ID; St. Ignatius, St. Anne, and St. Paul’s - Missions in Montana. However, I am sure these same abuses occurred wherever Jesuit Mission Schools were located.
The news about the sexual abuse of Native Americans has been very limited. Major newspapers have little or no interest in reporting about the sexual abuse committed against Indian children, especially when the majority of the abuses occurred decades ago, as far back as the 1940’s to the mid-1970’s.
I have been deeply affected by hearing the victims’ stories, and witnessing their pain while telling me about what happened. I cannot begin to express how profoundly childhood sexual abuse has affected the lives of the victims.
Not everyone who attended a Jesuit Mission School was a victim of abuse, but for those that were victimized, the life-long affects has taken a toll – failed relationships, trust issues, and suicide. Many of the victims are now in their mid-forties and older, and they have suffered from depression-anxiety, shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger-hostility, alcoholism-substance abuse, low self esteem, behavioral disorders, and other manifestations of childhood sexual abuse all their lives.
It takes courage to come forward and tell someone about abuse that happened so long ago, especially sexual abuse. Most of the victims of abuse have tried for decades to bury those memories, while others simply felt it does no good to talk about the past, and yet others feel that their families would disapprove of them for disclosing what happened.
There are even community barriers preventing abuse victims from coming forward, including disapproval by tribal leaders, elders, and others who do not fully understand this issue, and feel that this reflects poorly upon the community or its church. However, this is not about the Catholic Church, God, or even religion, and it’s not a political issue. It’s about the rights of the victims to seek justice and healing for the abuse committed against them.
I have learned that the first steps toward healing are acceptance by the community that the abuse happened, supporting the rights of the victims, and, if possible, aiding the victims of abuse to cope with the trauma they have suffered over their lifetime. The next step toward healing is to tell someone, and come to terms with what happened. I learned an expression a long time ago, “you’re only as sick as your secrets,” and that is true for the victims of childhood sexual abuse. I often wonder, “Where is the outrage?” Why is there no information about this in our tribal newspapers? Where are our tribal leaders who should be asking questions about this, or stepping up and addressing this issue? As Indian people we have always depended upon our leaders to talk for us. If they will not recognize this issue and talk about it, who will?
Ironically, White society has often been more sympathetic, vocal, and outraged about the sexual abuse of Indian children and fully supportive of the victims rights to seek civil justice, and healing. In fact, on the Colville Reservation, where the majority of the victims live, off reservation counseling centers have offered to use their funding to pay for counseling victims of childhood sexual abuse, and to refer our clients to other psychologists who specialize in that field of counseling. If you were a victim of sexual or physical abuse or misconduct at any Jesuit Mission School, church or parish throughout the Northwest, contact an attorney representing victims of abuse now. Time is running out. Remember that you are not alone. Hundreds have come forward seeking justice and are holding their abuser accountable for their wrongful actions to ensure that this type of institutional tragedy is not inflicted on our children again.
For anyone concerned about how Obama's Health Care Reform, with its individual mandates, would affect Indian Country, some words from the HHS Secretary, Kathleen Sebelius, should help. From Indian Country Today:
WASHINGTON – The nation’s top health official has told Indian country health leaders that the Obama administration believes American Indians deserve special consideration in any national reform to health insurance.
Speaking today on Capitol Hill before an audience of Indian health leaders, Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius noted that President Barack Obama himself said in an appearance before a joint session of Congress Sept. 9 that he supports a mandate that says individuals must purchase health insurance, much like car insurance. ...snip... “I’m going to make it very clear. ... this is what was left out on Wednesday night: the administration strongly believes that the individual mandate and the subsequent penalties don’t apply to American Indians or Alaska Natives.”
In a related story, North Dakota tribes, in a Resolution by the United Tribes, came out in support of Obama's Health Care initiatives.
The resolution cites health disparities among American Indians and Alaska Natives. It calls on members of Congress to take action to address health care in Indian Country. "The President's proposals will greatly assist Native Americans who do not have access to the Indian Health Service or in situations where the IHS cannot provide adequate health care services because of lack of funds, and any health care reform legislation should ensure a continuum of care for Native Americans between the IHS, any public component of the reform legislation, and private health insurance," the resolution states.
You know, I never stop being outraged at how bad care is for American Indians under the Indian Health Service. Now I learn there's a saying that illustrates this well: "Don't get sick after June."
WTF?
That's because that's when their fiscal year ends, and the money runs out. This is TRUE rationed care, not like medicaid or medicare, which Native Americans are eligible for but either don't know it or don't have good access to apply for it.
There's a great AP article on REZNET today on this that illustrates the tragic and infuriating situation, called Indian Health Care's Broken Promises.
It starts out with the tragic story of a little girl from the Crow Ageny Reservation in Montana who had chronic stomach pain. She went to the IHS more than 10 times with severe pain over a few months, and they did NOTHING for her. After her lung collapsed, she was airlifted to a children's hospital in Denver, where she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. A charity then sent the whole family to Disney World, but she died in bed on her first day there, never getting to have fun there. So, this is enough to make you cry all by itself.
The horror stories never stop though.
The story cited a couple of tragic stories from the Standing Rock Reservation too. One woman had severe frostbite, which the IHS refused to give her pain medication for, even after several tearful visits, until she threatened to kill herself because she couldn't stand the pain anymore. Finally a doctor from Bismarck on a visit intervened with pain medication. She eventaully lost the tips of her fingers. medication (btw, there is no shortage of paternalism with regard to pain medication on reservations. The people in the most pain often suffer a LOT because the IHS assumes that not a single soul on a reservation really is in acute pain, but actually wants to sell their pain medication instead. I kid you not).
A woman with congestive heart failure was given Tylenol and cough medicine so many times she went to Bismark to get another diagnosis, and was admitted to the hospital immediately it was so bad. She's got permanent damage that probably could have been avoided by (a huge malpractice suit - my bad) er...earlier diagnosis.
What is the background of this. From the article:
A 222-Year-Old Promise Is Not Being Kept
The U.S. has an obligation, based on a 1787 agreement between tribes and the government, to provide American Indians with free health care on reservations. But that promise has not been kept. About one-third more is spent per capita on health care for felons in federal prison, according to 2005 data from the health service.
In Washington, a few lawmakers have tried to bring attention to the broken system as Congress attempts to improve health care for millions of other Americans. But tightening budgets and the relatively small size of the American Indian population have worked against them.
"It is heartbreaking to imagine that our leaders in Washington do not care, so I must believe that they do not know," Joe Garcia, president of the National Congress of American Indians, said in his annual state of Indian nations' address in February.
Indian Health Care Statistics are Staggering
When it comes to health and disease in Indian country, the statistics are staggering.
American Indians have an infant death rate that is 40 percent higher than the rate for whites. They are twice as likely to die from diabetes, 60 percent more likely to have a stroke, 30 percent more likely to have high blood pressure and 20 percent more likely to have heart disease.
American Indians have disproportionately high death rates from unintentional injuries and suicide, and a high prevalence of risk factors for obesity, substance abuse, sudden infant death syndrome, teenage pregnancy, liver disease and hepatitis.
While campaigning on Indian reservations, presidential candidate Barack Obama cited this statistic: After Haiti, men on the impoverished Pine Ridge and Rosebud Reservations in South Dakota have the lowest life expectancy in the Western Hemisphere.
GOOD LORD!!!
Lest that piss you off insufficiently, here's another WTF moment from the article:
A Note, Diminished Care, a Bill
On another reservation 200 miles north of Standing Rock, Ardel Baker, a member of North Dakota's Three Affiliated Tribes, knows all too well the truth behind the joke about money running out.
Baker went to her local clinic with severe chest pains and was sent by ambulance to a hospital more than an hour away. It wasn't until she got there that she noticed she had a note attached to her, written on U.S. Department of Health and Human Services letterhead.
"Understand that Priority 1 care cannot be paid for at this time due to funding issues," the letter read. "A formal denial letter has been issued."
She lived, but she says she later received a bill for more than $5,000.
Harriet Archambault didn't live through this one:
It was too late for Harriet Archambault, according to the chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee, Democratic Sen. Byron Dorgan of North Dakota, who has told her story more than once in the Senate.
Dorgan says Archambault died in 2007 after her medicine for hypertension ran out and she couldn't get an appointment to refill it at the nearest clinic, 18 miles away. She drove to the clinic five times and failed to get an appointment before she died.
Wow, it makes the debate over health care reform seem like such a luxury. The highest mortality rate outside of Haiti???? SHAME on US!!!!
These are some excerpts from Tribal Chair Ron His Horse is Thunder's testimony at a July 9 Senate Committee on Indian Affairs Field Hearing on Law Enforcement in Indian Country, held in Fort Yates, ND.
I think it's important to post here because it links two issues: law enforcement (here, the BIA surge) and youth suicide on the reservation. You can read the whole testimony HERE. After introductory remarks, the Chairman quickly got to the heart of the matter: (emphasis mine)
I will relate the statistics of the Dakota Peacekeepers Operation and where we are faltering today, but at the heart of this matter is the failure of all of us, the Congress, the Federal Agencies and yes, even the Tribe, to create a comprehensive holistic program to address the public safety needs of our community. Nothing demonstrates this more drastically than the recent suicides at Standing Rock. Since January of this year, we have had 9 suicides and 50 attempted suicides. Some may think it inappropriate to discuss suicide in the context of public safety. But for me suicide is not only a tragedy robbing us of our future, it is the miner’s canary -- foretelling what lies ahead for us as a community and a Nation if we do not act to address our public safety needs in Indian country.
The number of suicides at Standing Rock is1,000 times the National Average among Native Americans. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has said this is an official suicide cluster. Many of those who have taken their lives are children – some as young as ten years old.
...snip...
We are trying to understand why our children are killing themselves. We believe it is related to a sense of hopelessness that people have. They are hopeless about their own futures and that of our community. Some of this hopelessness comes from not feeling safe and in some cases, not being safe.
We as a community have a sacred obligation to protect our youngest members. These suicides prompted our elders to ask us about the 37 BIA police officers here last year who patrolled and interacted with our children, young adults and other residents. When we had the larger law enforcement presence people felt safer and that gave them hope. Thus, many people feel our return to the pre-surge law enforcement staffing levels has had a tragic and devastating impact on our community.
We know that a larger law enforcement presence is not the only answer to our problems, but it is part of the answer. So we urge Congress to continue its emphasis on funding public safety needs in Indian country in a holistic matter. There must be more resources for police, criminal investigators, telecommunication operators, correctional officers, food service personnel, Tribal prosecutors and defenders, resources for the construction of police departments, courts and recurring funding for the operation and maintenance of these facilities.
At the same time, however, there must also be Federal funding for counselors, child protection caseworkers and supervisors, and resources for programs to keep children out of trouble such as funding for the Boys and Girls Club of America. These programs provide positive avenues to channel the boundless energy of our youth. In this regard, we are grateful to the North and South Dakota delegation for your support of funding for Standing Rock in the FY 2010 Department of Justice Appropriations bill for these types of services.
Impact of Operation Dakota Peacekeepers The 2008 surge had five goals: 1) reduce crime, 2) target illegal drug activities, 3) provide investigative resources to prosecute domestic violence, 4) provide investigate resources to prosecute crimes against children, and 5) develop a strategy to promote a safe community on the Reservation.
In the first two months of the surge, BIA Police made 900 arrests on the reservation. The arrests overwhelmed our Tribal court and adult detention facility. The Tribal Court held arraignments seven days a week to catch up with the workload. The surge continued in diminishing numbers through the end of 2008.
During the six months of the surge, our Tribal Court averaged 339 arraignments per month and the number of complaints received by the BIA Police averaged 350 per month. By comparison, for the first six months of this year, we averaged 233 arraignments and 266 complaints per month. The goals of the temporary surge should be the goals of policing on our reservation every day. These goals are not being met. In fact, we are experiencing a rise in crimes including: domestic abuse; child neglect; minors possessing and consuming alcohol, and aggravated assault. This tells us that the larger police presence was a deterrent.
Thus, if I am asked whether I support a return of the six-month surge on Standing Rock, I do, but I must request that if the BIA renews the surge, it must maintain existing staffing levels from the most underserved Reservations and BIA Police Districts, most of which are located in the Great Plains and Rocky Mountain Regions.
Failure of the BIA to address public safety staffing needs It is troubling that the BIA cannot fill the 12 additional public safety officer positions added by the BIA to Standing Rock in 2008. In 2009, Congress provided $255,077,000 for law enforcement services and in FY 2008 Congress provided $228,137,000 for the BIA’s law enforcement program. This represents a $50,623,000 increase in the area of law enforcement in the last two fiscal years alone. It is unclear how the BIA allocated these increased resources among the BIA's six Office of Law Enforcement Services Districts. It appears to us that the BIA does not have a systematic methodology for distributing its public safety funds, including funds for detention officers and investigators.
...snip...
As a result of the data gathered from the last year’s surge, the BIA increased the full-time BIA law enforcement positions at Standing Rock to twenty-five. The problem has been the BIA's failure to fill the 12 additional positions it created. We still only have 13 public safety staff and we are losing one criminal investigator. As a result, we will have fewer public safety officers than we did last year prior to the surge. The BIA cites recruitment and retention challenges for failing to fill the available full-time positions.
However, we remain frustrated that the BIA will only put officers on the street who have completed the Bureau's sixteen week training academy in Artesia, New Mexico. Even if we do find people willing to leave their families for four months, we understand there is a waiting list to get into the Academy at Artesia. Meanwhile, we are aware of number of fully-accredited current or former State police officers who want to serve our community.
...snip....
In short, the BIA has received more than $50 million more dollars in the last two fiscal years for its law enforcement program. The BIA should be able to provide Indian tribes and the Congress the answers to the following questions: 1) How many officers, telecommunication operators and criminal investigators did the BIA hire with this money? 2) How many completed training at the BIA Police Academy at Artesia? 3) How many are waiting for training? 4) Where were law enforcement personnel initially assigned by the BIA? 5) How many of those individuals are currently at their initial posts? 6) How many requested reassignment or left the BIA? and most important, 7) How did the BIA determine their placement? The same is true concerning information about correction officers and BIA funding for construction, operations and maintenance (O&M) of adult and juvenile detention services. To date, I am not aware of any such reports by the BIA to Congress or to Tribal leaders concerning these matters. I would urge that the Congress make the above-noted reports a mandatory annual requirement of the BIA. D. Conclusion ...snip... I ask for your help and the help of this Committee to direct the BIA to make them happen this year: 1. The BIA should fill all public safety personnel vacancies at Standing Rock immediately using detailed personnel so that the BIA Police Department at Standing Rock operates at the full staffing level of 25 public safety officers. Detailed personnel can then rotate out from Standing Rock when the BIA has hired, trained and housed full time replacement public safety personnel at Standing Rock or as close to the reservation as possible; 2. Grant Special Law Enforcement Commissions to Tribal Game and Fish Rangers so that they may lawfully respond to emergencies; 3. Bring BIA Artersia Academy trainers to the Great Plains Region to provide instruction to former State-accredited police officers and Military Police personnel hired by the BIA, but who have not gone through the BIA’s 16-week training academy, so that they may receive interim Indian country training and be authorized by the BIA to patrol on Standing Rock; 4. Install a centralized 911 call center on the Reservation, and ensure that public safety personnel and Tribal Game and Fish Rangers use identical communications equipment to coordinate public safety activities; 5. Provide construction funds to build on-reservation housing for BIA public safety officers and renovate existing BIA police facilities; 6. establish a pilot program at Standing Rock this summer to educate youth about staying out of trouble; encourage Tribal members to pursue careers in law enforcement; and offer recruitment incentives to Native Americans to join the BIA Police academy.
Pretty Bird Woman House is a 501 (c) 3 charitable organization.
A Women's Shelter
Jackie Brown Otter created The Pretty Bird Woman House after the brutal rape and murder of her sister, whose Lakota name means Pretty Bird Woman.
PBWH provides emergency shelter and advocacy support for women on the Standing Rock reservation who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual assault. It opened on January 5, 2005.
In the fall of 2007, the Pretty Bird Woman House was forced to move out of its original location after a number of break-ins through the exterior walls left it in such bad condition that the women could not safely remain there.
Well, the incredibly generous netroots really came through for them, and by the end of December of 2007 we had enough money to get them a new house! Pat yourselves on the back, and keep those donations flowing.
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We Reached our New House Fund Goal on Dec. 28, 2007
Donations, including checks and credit cards, totalled over $87,600. Because of your generosity, Pretty Bird Woman House was able to close on a perfect house in early February of 2008.
"Even in thought,women are to be respected"
--- White Buffalo Calf Woman
2008 Donations Report
1. $1936.01 - General fund donations
2. $5,159.71 for a new furnace. This was a really important project! We did the fundraiser in honor of Joe Biden's mother-in-law, Bonny Jean Jacobs. The shelter has installed the new furnace, and I also received a thank you card from the Biden family.
3. $1000 for house paint. The paint was peeling terribly on the house, so a youth group volunteered to paint it in July. It now looks great. If you search this site, you'll find some pictures I posted of the house being painted.
4. $1286.01 for children's bedroom furniture. This was for bunkbeds so that more children could fit into the bedrooms with their mothers.
